Wanting To Scream…

Get up…Get Moving…Do email for the day…Conference call…Meetings…Code…

We live in a 7 X Forever world – a results based culture that demands performance and the classic “What have you done for me lately…”. While once confined to our business culture, it has now become a way of life in this “Internet of Always on Life”.

Thanks to the insomniacs in each and everyone of us, we wake up, rollover at 0-Dark-30 and read a bit more, blast a quick note and check the news. Which makes somone else reply in kind. Which makes someone else reply, which…

The vicious circle response chain has now allowed us to have trained ourselves to “Be-On”, to “Be Aware” and to not “Miss Out” just so we stay even. We have trained ourselves to perform at the highest levels round the clock across every time zone near and far, making Super human the norm, rather than the exception so that we look good, appear motivated and possibly stay ahead of the next guy.

But now it seems we have now been doing this so long and at such a pace, not even Forrest Gump ran for this long or at this pace!

So what happens when it finally crashes? What happens in the moment when we realize that we have built our entire lives on solving challenges, of performing, of achieving – and suddenly – at this one moment in time, it all becomes clear – you can’t solve the most important problem of all?

You can’t solve the challenge, outperform the most dastardly of scenarios, when there is no reset button and you are faced with the one outcome you cannot effect, master or overcome? What happens when even Superman, Wonder Woman and all the other Super Friends aren’t enough to overcome the challenge?

What happens you get an “F” in life?

You freeze in your tracks and scream “WTF!”. That’s what happens.

Anyone who has known me for 5 minutes has heard the tales of the World’s Greatest Sister “Marcia Sue”. You have heard of the unending admiration for the most brilliant woman ever, yet one who would still claim me as her brother.

You have been bored into a total nausea induced coma of Marcia stories – of how she got all the smarts, talents and looks in the family. For 58+ years, you heard of my self-centered bragging and boasts of good luck for having “Sis” watch over me, protect me, listen to me and ultimately reassure me when it seemed that the world was collapsing all around me.

And now she is gone…and I am lost.

For the first time since the earth cooled and dinosaurs trudged around, I can’t talk to my Confidant, my Best Friend Forever, my Hero – the one who I admired more than I could ever tell her. Marcia is gone.

I can’t overcome this one, can’t problem solve my way out of this one. I have no Super power to snatch a last minute save on this one. The Aliens are invading with a load of Kryptonite and I am powerless. The force fields are down, the deflector shields have been deactivated and I have no answer to this one. I am failing with a capital “F” and there is no do-over, re-do, mulligan or reset. Right now, I am so lost not even Google Maps could give me directions.

All I can do, is to stand here frozen and scream at the top of my lungs “WTF!”.

The world may continue to turn, water will continue to be wet and birds will continue to fly, but seriously, my hamster wheel has stopped. The pressure to answer every phone call, read every email, respond to every text just faded away. The only “FOMO” or Fear of Missing Out I have is not saying the important words – and saying them TODAY. I have no motivation to weed through the 397 emails that have come in while I have written this homage.

Marcia is gone. She has left the building and the incredible 5 year battle she fought has now come to a close. Left behind is crater larger than all the potholes of Michigan roads combined that is vast, deep and empty.

Yeah, its that big, and yeah it is that empty.

Miss Mush is gone, but forgotten will never be a possibility. I will forever be a better man, gentleman, and person because of her and all that she taught, instilled and gave me. She pushed me to be better – but to always do it the right way. My Sister will forever remain the voice in my head, the one that screams “You Big Dummy! Go ahead and try and explain what made that a good idea?” as I would once again screw something up in the name of “This is gonna be great.!”.

For a lifetime, we have been as close as brother and sister could possibly be, protecting one another through all that life could possibly throw at us. But for all the years, the laughs of Birthdays and Christmas, for all she gave me, ultimately the greatest gift she gave me was simply being able to say “…I’m Marcia’s Brother…”. It will always be something that is uniquely mine and I am most proud of.

I have been fortunate to have had The World’s Greatest Sister. From that came more Gifts, Blessings, Teachings and Wisdom than one person could ever deserve. And yet she gave unconditionally and without reservation. I am Marcia’s Brother. I am powerless, speechless and lost. Simply saying “Thank You Sis, Your Brother Loves You…” just isn’t enough.

But right now, nothing else comes out…

I just want to scream “WTF!”.